Ellen M. Lerner
1 min readNov 18, 2021

Can Living with a Narcissist Make You Develop Traits Similar to Theirs?

I honestly do not feel that a good, decent person who is not disordered will start to develop narcissistic traits because you lived with a pwNPD for a time…(I am speaking of a partnership…not in early childhood…)

You will run the gamut of emotions but you will not become a narcissist (in my humble opinion. )

I know for me I flip flopped from incredibly sad…to incredibly angry. More sad than angry because honestly for a while I did not think to be angry because I truly did not understand what was happening!

I knew he had done terrible things and not just to me, but cognitive dissonance is a very real thing and will screw with your mind like you can not believe!

But I did not try and get even or get revenge. I certainly did not take my anger out on anyone else…I was mostly just sad because I missed myself. I honestly did. And so did those who loved me….

I suppose it is possible to start to behave in the ways the narcissist is behaving, but I find that highly unlikely and as I said…that was not my experience.

Ellen M. Lerner

My name is Ellen. I am a Composer. A Pianist and Vocalist. A Student. A Writer and most of all...I'm a Survivor.