Can Music Have a Positive, Emotional Effect on Narcissists?

I used to believe that every single person on earth had some sort of positive reaction to music. All people…because I truly thought music was a universal language… but since I am a professional musician and I was married to a pwNPD, I can tell you, sadly..it isn’t.

We met when I was quite young. I had already established myself in The Philadelphia Music community, and people knew who I was. I had a standing gig, every Thursday night at a popular ‘hot spot’ and people were starting to come every week.

You could eat there if you wanted, they had all different kinds of drinks, it was a beautiful venue, and because it was so large, unless you were sitting in the front row (or close to it) I had no idea who exactly was in the audience.

One night when I was finished and packing up my gear, he came up to me. He told me he loved my music and had been coming for some time now. Most nights he came alone.

He asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him. I told him I was extremely busy. I was working on an album and I was taking a vacation with one of my best friends. He said ‘okay, have a good time. Good luck with the album..’ and I didn’t see him again for about a month or so.

Then, at this same venue, he approached me again. This time he asked me if I wanted to go to an Eagles game with him. His family had season tickets right on the 50 yard line, but he said he ‘didn’t have a ticket for me.’

I asked him how exactly would I get in? He said I would wait out in the parking lot, he would come outside to get me, he would have two tickets with him, and I would come in that way.

I said…’hmm..tempting offer…but no thank you.’ He kind of ‘smirked’ and sat back down and listened to my last set.

He started coming to all of my shows. Not just the Thursday night popular one. He came to all of them. I actually started giving him a piece of my time.

Years later, long after our divorce, out of the blue one day he declared he ‘not only never liked my music, he did not like ANY female Singer-Songwriters.’ He said it ‘just didn’t do anything for him.’

I started thinking back to all of the time he spent coming to different shows. Some were not even in Philadelphia. Some were in New York City, etc.

That takes effort, or so I thought. I knew when I loved a certain musician I had to put in the time to go see them. Pay for a ticket. Sometimes drive a far distance. It was always worth it to me…but he claimed he never even liked it…

So, did he never like my music, or like he said, any female musicians? Did he actually like it, but wanted to hurt me?

Looking back, when he drove my car, every once in a great while, I’d find a CD that wasn’t mine. The two that come to mind were ACDC, and Metallica. Let’s just say, very different than the music I write.

I’ll never know…like closure, you will never get the answers you are looking for. I have thought about this for years and decided to put it out of my mind because it wasn’t getting me anywhere. But your question struck a chord (you could say) because I have no idea what moved this man, if he was able to be moved at all…by music, or anything.