Do Narcissists have Boundaries?
Narcissists have billions of boundaries…unspoken, unreasonable, insane boundaries. They never express them however, and they change like the tides, but rest assured…you better abide by them, or you will pay…and as I am sure most of you experienced…we paid in all sorts of crazy making ways.
A normal person may have boundaries. Some more than others. I like to refer to this as unspoken respect. Our families, our friends…people we know well, we know what lines to never cross, and because we love and respect them, we wouldn’t dream of ever doing that.
Some people are a bit more quiet about their boundaries, and maybe they might have to remind you every once in a while, but that's okay…that's normal. You do not find yourself in a constant state of confusion and bewilderment wondering what you have done wrong on this day or that, because normal people discuss things, rationally, calmly and in a manner in which all parties involved are in agreement and keep their word.
More often than not, we find that our own boundaries are exceptionally weak when dealing with a narcissist because for a time, if we are trying to ‘keep the peace’ or hold on to the relationship, we start to accept certain behaviors that now, looking back must seem utterly insane! Insane to have ever allowed a person to do what was done to us. However, even if we had sat down, pen to paper, making a clear and concise list of what we will and will not tolerate, even if it is more than reasonable, if you think for one minute that the narcissist will ever respect anything you say or wrote on your ‘list’ think again. Infact, much like we did in the beginning…revealing our innermost thoughts…our deepest, darkest secrets, all these things will be used against you. To mock, torture and drive us to the brink of insanity. But the question was not about a neurotypical, their boundaries and their version of healthy communication and reasonable requests that anyone who loves us would happily respect. Narcissistic individuals do not know the meaning of respect. And they never will…
Narcissists have ever-changing boundaries. But in reality, they truly have none at all. They go from hot to cold, to insane and crazier still…and you are supposed to be a mind reader. It is all about control…never about healthy communication. You are supposed to live up to their unrealistic, exhausting and unreasonable expectations…and if you do not play by their rules, by the end, you will be the one referred to as disrespectful, unreasonable, toxic and crazy.
It’s sheer projection. They are all about projection. Winning. Control. They are all about deflection and making you out to be the ‘bad guy.’ And when this story is retold, (and trust me…it will be…) their ‘tale of woe’ (so to speak) there will be many thinking that you were the monster in this scenario, when all the while it is infact the monster who is telling the story.
