Ellen M. Lerner
3 min readNov 21, 2021

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Do Narcissists Like to Be by Themselves?

Not one little bit….

It is not just about always having supply…it's much more than that.

When you are alone your mind wanders. You think about all sorts of things and usually at some point, you think about yourself. Your upcoming plans, or something upsetting that happened…you think of many things…most people question their behavior about certain events and actions. For instance…’why did I react that way?’ I wonder why that upset me so much?’ I had such a nice time seeing my friends earlier…I hope they did too…’ there are so many examples…but a narcissist can not face anything that reminds them that they are lost, empty souls.

They may have ‘magical thinking ‘ from time to time and certainly delusions of grandeur but that is usually reserved for others.

The better they portray the part of the caring, normal, happy individual the easier it is to not have to sit and face the fact that they are lying. They are lying to everyone…but mostly they are lying to themselves.

When you are alone, there is simply no one to enjoy or be coerced into their academy award winning portrayal of the ‘good guy.’

So better to surround yourself with someone. Anyone! I know they just love the cream of the crop but after a while they will take whatever they can get…as long as they do not have to be alone.

That is why there are so many articles and books, etc. about the aging narcissist. It is not pleasant.

When they have used up their bag of tricks, lost their looks, more than likely squandered all of their money away (if they actually ever had any of their own) and are not exactly desirable…it’s not good…

As some say…narcissists are people first. Even if they are disordered, they are still people and what person would want to have to face pure evil? What person would want to stop and realize that everyone has left them. They do not take responsibility for it, but they know that they are gone.

As I said…it is not pleasant…not in the slightest.

Believe me…I’m not sitting here in tears feeling sorry for them. They asked for everything they have gotten…but just imagine living that life…being an empty, uncaring, angry, jealous, vengeful soul.

How lucky are we that we can feel joy. Yes, we feel pain. We feel everything because we are normal, good, decent human beings. But we have had some truly beautiful experiences even with the bad…these people are unable to feel joy. Most certainly joy for another.

Don’t you feel so happy when someone you love achieves something wonderful? Something hard they have worked for. Something they have always wanted. A promotion. Falling in love and getting married. Any sort of celebration…we celebrate right along with them because we love them. A narcissist is unable to do this. Any success from another only reminds them of all of their failures. Any happiness displayed by another only reminds them that they have never experienced true joy. And they get angry. And resentful. And instead of trying to better themselves, they take it out on you.

Being alone is essentially a nightmare for these people. Too much time on their hands…way too much time to think. They don’t want to think… certainly not about their reality.

So they go from supply to supply, never to be happy, fulfilled or satisfied…blaming you all the while.

So drugs, hookers, porn, gambling, alcohol, anything beats being alone knowing all the while that if they start to think about life for even a moment, they simply will not be able to handle it.

I can’t say that I blame them….

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Ellen M. Lerner

My name is Ellen. I am a Composer. A Pianist and Vocalist. A Student. A Writer and most of all...I'm a Survivor.