Do You Hate the Narcissist who Tried to Destroy You? What Internal Feelings Do You Have Towards Him/Her in the Aftermath of the Relationship? How Do You Rationalize These Feelings?

There was a time I hated him. I had never hated a human being before in my life, and honestly I have not since, but I most definitely hated him.

I wanted him to suffer the way he made me suffer. I wanted him to pay for what he has done to countless many.

Then about two years ago something happened that to this day I can not explain.

I once wrote in a letter (though it was intended for him, I wrote it for myself) and there was a line that read…’I will neither hate you or pray for you.’

I remember I stopped for a moment after I read that line. I took a deep breath. I asked myself if I honestly, truly felt that way, and I did.

So when people ask how I feel about him now my response is always the same…

I Nothing Him.

That is the truth. He means absolutely nothing to me and when I think of the years I wasted allowing a man to torment me I get a little upset with myself but I do forgive myself. I forgive myself for accepting less than I deserved. I have made peace with my past, and I have learned a great deal.

So you ask…’how do I rationalize these feelings?’ I believe I was supposed to experience that pain so I could learn, become strong, become evolved and a lot smarter than I used to be. I became something I never thought I could be…I became a survivor.

It was a very costly lesson, but at least for me, it was worth every penny.