Examples of Covert Narcissism

I have had a few years now learning about covert Narcissism in particular. Though I have said previously, at first, qualified people were certain this is what defined my ex narcissist husband (and to a certain extent this is true, ) there was something far more insidious hiding behind what seemed to be something I thought I could learn to handle…I was very wrong.

But back to your question…in no particular order, this is my own personal experience and what I observed and lived with far too long.

The very first thing that comes to mind is an enormous blatant disregard of other people’s feelings. No empathy. None at all. They can put on a good show…but that’s all it is…a show.

A huge sense of entitlement. At least in my experience he seemed to think he deserved the sun and the moon, but was not willing to work for it. He wasn’t willing to work for anything yet, felt as if he deserved the very best.

He was handed everything on a silver platter. First, by his family, then me, then his second ex wife and her family and from what I have heard the gravy train has stopped…at least for now.

Another thing that was/is extremely difficult…he could not let anything go. Holding grudges. Wanting revenge…(and succeeding, to a certain degree…) constantly bringing up seemingly small issues from the past that throughly enraged him.

What I viewed as normal discussions about marriage and children, if he did not like the topic, he would not even discuss it, would dismiss me, and anyone who did not agree with him…these people became the enemy. He viewed it simply as you are either with me, or you are against me. No in between. No shades of gray.

I saw a tremendous amount of mocking and putting others down. Though he tried to pass it off as a joke (some of the time) he was dead serious.

Quiet envy was another. Why did he not have the mansion that someone else had? The better car? Expensive trips…(you get the idea…)

He was extremely passive aggressive.

He also felt as if many things were beneath him. He lost his job many years ago, but refused to take a job that did not display a certain status.

The silent treatment (ghosting) was one of the hardest for me, because we share a child and half of the time I had no idea what in the world was going on. He was well aware of my concerns, yet could have cared less…he actually enjoyed my suffering.

But the gaslighting that left me with utter confusion and doubt (mostly about myself after a while) was probably the worst one of all. I was in a constant state of confusion for a long time.

He was so good at twisting the truth. Rewriting history. He got so good at it…I actually started to believe it.

These are just a few examples of my experience with covert Narcissism but if I had a few extra hours I could make this into a novel. However, these are the ones that stand out in my mind the most.