How Did The Narcissists In Your Life Abuse You Financially?
There were small ways and there were big ways. I will start with the big ones and end with an ironic, poetic and happy ending….
When I asked for a divorce and he immediately got himself a new supply…she came with many benefits (as far as he was concerned) starting with her Father who was an attorney.
My nex thought of anything and everything he could sue me over as he said once ‘To take everything away from you and make you pay because I have the power to do so…’
I was fairly young, and did not know about the law. In our country…we can sue anybody over anything. And he did. I won every battle but financially the court costs and especially my attorney fees were exorbitant.
Before that, I paid the bills. I had bought my first home fairly young and he moved in. I paid for a brand new truck that he drove and considered his own.
Though I never took his name and never opened a joint bank account, he still believed that everything that was mine was now his. I would not necessarily disagree with this school of thought (under normal circumstances) and I do believe in marriage and all that comes with that…sharing money, chores, responsibilities, all of it. But this wasn’t normal and thankfully I had the foresight to never sign over the deed.
I paid for everything basically during our short lived marriage but he thought he was entitled to everything. Artwork, furniture, you name it…he was going to get it. And he faught. Hard.
He never bought me an engagement ring (not even a wedding band..) I bought the wedding rings but my Mom felt sad so she gave me her engagement ring that my Father gave her.
We took it to the jeweler to have it taken out of her setting so I could put the stone in a new setting for me. He would not pay for that either so I decided to trade something that meant the world to me…a small ring I designed myself. A delicate three stone diamond ring that consisted of a diamond that was a tie tack that belonged to my Dad and my first little pair of diamond stud earrings that I wore all the time.
This ring had a lot of meaning to me, but I thought the engagement ring was more important in that brief moment.
For years I was so sad that I made that choice…(I realize this is just a ‘thing’ and to most, not anything all that big) but this sweet, little ring represented me and my Father who I loved unconditionally.
I said to myself ‘I have to let it go.’
Last year I happened to be in the area where that jewelry shop was. I hadn’t been in there in almost 15 years. I went in to say hello and see if they remembered me. I was just looking around at all of the beautiful jewelry in the cases….and low and behold…there on display was my ring that I never forget about. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I told the owner the story. He gave me back the ring. He told me it had never been sold in all those years because I was supposed to find it again.
Even in our darkest moments when we can not imagine a glimmer of hope we must never give up. Just like I survived what I was certain would kill me…I not only found my little ring almost two decades later…I found myself again.
Though so many of us have been abused financially, emotionally, spirituality, there is a lesson in all of it…. Never give up.
