How do you tell a narcissist goodbye?

I am writing you this letter for two reasons.

First, to say that this is the last time you will ever be hearing from me. Second, I wanted to Thank you. ( but we'll get to that later.)

The past twenty some odd years has been not only an emotional rollercoaster of psychological hell, but a spiritual awakening that I can not truly put into words.

You almost broke me. You came really close. There were even moments where I was quite certain that you succeeded. However, you did not. I'm. Still. Here.
Your last words to me a few years ago were ‘Your Mother will one day die and you will be completely alone. Just think about that for a minute...’ and I did think about it.

As much as I hate admitting to thinking seriously about anything you have to say, I must admit that it definitely resonated with me. My worst fears...( or so I thought.) Because not four months ago that very thing happened. I am far from alone.

I miss her. I always will. But that's not what you said. You basically said I would have and be nothing without her....and nothing could be farther from the truth.
Here is where I thank you....

If not for the emotional torture you put me through for so many years, I would not have been strong enough to survive her loss. Because of you, in some odd way, I became a better person. An evolved person. A strong person. Not that it was your intention. Your intentions backfired. You wanted to break me. You essentially wanted to kill me. You almost did...

You told my six year old child that I was ‘no longer his Mommy. He had a new Mommy now.’ And where is that new Mommy? At the age of forty years young, she is burried in a cemetery. I was there. I watched them lower her body into the ground.

I'm not saying that you physically handed her the needles and the herion, but you might as well have. You did to her exactly what you did to me. I honestly did not think it would even faze her. At first. Until I started getting emails and texts from her. This woman who I once perceived to be stronger than steal was scared. And desperate. I have saved everything she ever wrote to me. She went so far as to apologize to me. Not only for not believing me all those years, but for what I too endured at your hands. "Pure evil" I think she once referred to you as. How you tortured her. Tried to turn her children against her ( which you did) and how was she ever going to get out from under you. She spoke of your lies. Lies about me. About money. Everything I already knew all too well. I tried desperately to save her towards the end, but I was too late. And there you sat at her funeral. Like the grieving widower. It was a good act. But it was laughable. And not just to me. To anyone who knew the truth.

The truth about you.

I no longer feel gulit or shame for being sick when our son was born. I worked like hell to get better for him. And I did get better. I know his words to me came straight out of your mouth. The lies you fed him all those years. If he even has a bit of me inside of him, he will wake up one day and realize he was used and manipulated by a narcissistic mastermind. He was mearly a tool to you....to perpetuate your hate towards me and try to make him hate me, by any means necessary. He will never be okay I fear. Because of you. Your selfish ways and your cold, evil heart. But I have faith. And I will keep praying and waiting for the day he gets some clarity and strength. Just like I had to. And because of you, somehow, someway, I have more strength than I ever thought possible.

One of my friends calls this a ‘higher power.’ I'm not sure if I agree. Some say karma. You certainly are getting yours, from what I hear.

One by one my friends slowly watched the truth unfold. They sat in horror when they realized what I went through all of those years. They have asked on several occasions how I survived it. I still don't have an answer. I may never get an answer. I suppose that really isn't the point.

What matters most is that I made something of myself. I believe in myself again. I am stronger and wiser than ever before.

Most importantly....I will never let another human being even attempt to do to me what you tried to do. I will see it coming from a mile away. I know exactly what it looks like.

It looks exactly like you.

I will neither hate you or pray for you. You are a faint memory that will remind me every once in a while to keep believing if I ever start to doubt myself. About anything. However I do not think that will ever happen again.

Because of you, somehow, in some twisted way, you made me better.

The more evil you became, the kinder I became. The more petty you were. The more genuine I was. And the sicker you get ( and believe me, I know all about it...) I become well. No more anti depressants. Not for years. I'm sure you don't believe me. That's ok. I am tired and done with trying and trying to get through to you on any human level. You simply have no empathy. For anyone or anything. You lack the basic human ability to feel joy when another succeeds. That is a textbook narcissist. It's all textbook. And I now know it word for word.

I have closed the book...rather, the chapter of my life with you. I have rejoined the living. And you know what? Life is beautiful again.

Goodbye.