Ellen M. Lerner
2 min readDec 10, 2021

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How Does Jealousy Affect a Narcissist?

It is the biggest oxymoron in the world!

All of the things that they find appealing about you…all of the things they see in you…special things, these are the very things that start them on their quest to conquer and control you, because these are qualities they want for themselves but can never have…(I am not even speaking of material possessions or anything impermanent like looks, etc.) This goes much deeper…

That’s the answer. Shame and jealousy define them! They know they can never possess these amazing qualities you have. So they become jealous of you and the fact that others see something special in you. But not only are they jealous, they are now on a mission to take these very special things away from you.

It’s so confusing…what they initially see in you…what attracts them to you becomes the very thing that sets them into this course of action to remove each and every beautiful quality you have…because they know they will never have them.

Before the devaluing starts, I believe that they believe they are very special too…simply by association. The person with these wonderful qualities is just being themselves, minding their own business, and all the while, this person is essentially taking credit for everything you are!

But it doesn’t last. We all know this. The very thing they claimed to love has now begun to enrage them. Because they know underneath that mask is emptiness. They want you to be empty too. Misery loves company. And man… are they ever miserable….

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Ellen M. Lerner

My name is Ellen. I am a Composer. A Pianist and Vocalist. A Student. A Writer and most of all...I'm a Survivor.