How To Have Self Confidence.

First, I must start by saying I do not have a degree on this subject, nor am I a life coach or counselor. That being said, as far back as I can remember (with the exception of one time in my life) I always made the right choices for myself and I always tried to do the right thing.

I credit this to an unbelievable foundation. Both of my parents (though drastically different people) were equally extraordinary human beings…(and I am not the only one who feels this way…many would attest to this.) That has to be one of the reasons I was able to pull myself out of a truly terrifying situation and make a new life for myself.

But I am only human. I made a very bad choice once. One that has forever changed me but shaped me to become the person I was always supposed to be.

I always had a great deal of self confidence….until I didn't. It was as if all of my favorite things about myself were being stripped away one by one. But they came back! Slowly and irregularly each quality came back to life…at times I didn't notice at first and at times it was as if I re-emerged right before my eyes in the mirror as if to say “Hello! Welcome back! It's been a while…”

As I have said before I started to remember all of the things I liked about myself. So we can start there…

Some people are born with self confidence and it’s natural and encouraged. If you are lucky enough to have a wonderful parent (even luckier for two…) you will always feel safe and you will more than likely be told to always be yourself.

My Grandmother once told me it “only takes one person to totally believe in you, and in turn you will believe in yourself.” I understood what she was saying.

However, I have also said that darkness can enter our lives and change our own perception…especially about ourselves. And when others (especially those you trust) are saying very negative things it is next to impossible to block this out. For whatever reason, sometimes it is easier to believe the bad stuff about ourselves than all of the good. I don’t know why.

When you believe in yourself these “dark voices” start moving farther and farther away. There will always be an echo, but you find yourself caring less and less about the lingering refrain.

This isn’t always easy. Like anything else you need to practice this and it takes time. And don’t be surprised if when you are least expecting it someone out of nowhere says something to purposely upset you and you feel a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. Try as hard as you can to shake it off. I know it isn’t easy. But you can do it.

Try to give yourself a break. We are our own worst critics at times but we are only human. It is very important to be proud of ourselves. It is equally important to be proud of what we do, what has inspired us and we should always work very hard and never stop practicing our craft. We can always improve in some way and we should always want to learn as much as humanly possible.

Knowledge truly is power.

Speaking of power…if someone even attempts to take yours away…remove yourself from this situation. You must learn very quickly the difference between constructive criticism that can benefit you and criticism to only hurt and destroy you. There is a huge difference and once you can distinguish the difference you will find your energy shifting and more and more people gravitating towards you. The right people.

Of course the wrong ones will always try to sneak in…but you are now better equipped to not allow it.

When you are proud of who you are and live an authentic life others will notice. When all you truly care about is what is good and true, the right people will start to respond to you.

True friends are essential and can only build your self confidence. That is what a friend should do. But should they ever be upset with you, you need to sit down and listen, take accountability and say you are sorry when you are wrong. You need to remind yourself of everything you always liked about them even if you are not happy with them in that moment.

Self confidence is very attractive. People who know themselves and try to do the right thing carry themselves a certain way.

There are other things that have been proven to help build our self confidence and some I simply have not tried yet…for instance…meditation. I hear it will do the trick. The trick is to shut your mind off for a while (a very hard thing for me) but I believe I can only benefit from this…and though it will be challenging, when the world goes back to normal and I can take a class, I think that’s the class I’d like to take.

Yoga. Eating better (But treating ourselves every once in a while. )

A smile can change an entire room. Someone with self confidence usually will be smiling when you see them. And it’s contagious.

I am sure you know a person who is not exactly authentic but seems to have an amazing amount of self confidence. This is a mask. Once you get to the place where you trust yourself and your instincts you will know the difference. It isn’t always easy. You’ll get there.

I think a person who is truly self confident (for all the right reasons) will spend more of their time trying to build you up and say “good job" rather than talk about all of their achievements. But again, being proud of yourself and your achievements no matter how small is important. Being able to balance this is essential. You will know.

And that’s what it comes down to I think…you will know the things you need to know, especially about yourself when you are ready.

When it happens it seems quite simple. You wonder why you did not think this way all along. And people will see this and more important they will feel it.

You display a sense of confidence when you are truly okay with yourself and you have nothing to prove. Always have an open mind and heart. Keep learning new and interesting things and when you know share this information. Share yourself in almost every way. It is okay to want to keep a little piece of yourself just for you and you are allowed to do that.

A confident person will allow themselves to feel their feelings and they won’t be shy to talk about it.

Own everything that has happened to you. These were all lessons. Do not be ashamed to share this…we can actually grow from a terrible experience.

And as my Grandmother said (as well as both of my parents) always be yourself and be proud of who you are.