I keep going back and forth coming to terms and accepting the narcissist won’t change. How did you finally accept this truth? It’s horrible going back and forth with this. I want to finally accept this truth.

I knew that if I did not face the truth (as horrifying as it was) I was never going to get past it.
I would have lingering questions haunting me, keeping me up nights…honestly still believing that everything I loved, all of my memories, everything I lived, everything I believed in was a lie.
I finally refused to let him take those things away from me. I knew my truth…I was there! He could twist it anyway he wanted, but I lived this! I knew I experienced real love. Real loss. Pure happiness. Contentment. Peace. Freedom. Joy. Unexplained amazing experiences….he could come up with any lie in that twisted, creative, evil brain of his, but I was no longer buying what he was selling.
I no longer needed my therapist to tell me I was not crazy…I did not have a mental illness. I no longer allowed those who (at the time) were enabling him and his behavior…I was no longer going to watch my Mother in tears begging me to simply ‘just remember all of those people who loved you…just for who you are. And your friends…remember your own song lyrics..they came out of you for a reason…’
Sometimes, she actually would quote me back to me…just so I would remember…but even her love could not bring me back…I had to do that all on my own.
You will never have peace in your life until you accept the fact that there is darkness around us. It isn’t everywhere, and some are very lucky to have never encountered it…but for those of us who did, it is something no one else on earth could ever understand unless they experienced the same.
Some loose themselves in the realization. Some hide. Some become bitter. Some become wiser. Some become teachers. Some teachers realize that we are all just merely students…but one thing is for certain, even if we never asked for it, even if it was never something we wanted…we are now brave and no one can ever take that away from you.
It came at a cost, but at least for me…it was worth every penny.