Ellen M. Lerner
2 min readDec 8, 2021

Is it Possible to Take Anything Positive Away From Your Experience With a Narcissist?

From time to time people will ask me if I can take anything positive away from my experience with my ex husband with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Other than the fact he made me a much stronger individual ( not that those were his intentions) I honestly couldn't think of one thing. But then I remembered....

Back when we were either dating or engaged...( I truly can't remember) he saw how hard I was working each and every month on my personal mailing list for my performances. Every month I would sit down and hand write where and when I was playing music. The price of admission. The city, venue, etc. And then I would take this to kinkos ( do they even exist anymore?) and make hundreds and hundreds of copies then I'd buy stamps and mail each one to people who attended my concerts.

It was a little exhausting (though sometimes I enjoyed it.) and then one day he said to me... ‘Do you know how easy this would be if you just got yourself a computer and transferred all the hand written names and sent out a bulk email of when and where you were playing?’

I dreaded this notion because I simply hate technology and never really needed it for my career...but he had a valid point. ( Plus...I was seriously the last person left on earth who not only did not have a computer...I truly did not know how to even turn one on...and this was not that long ago.)

So I bought one. He sat down with me and patiently started teaching me. He would even joke around during times when I literally wanted to give up and say something like ‘Ellen...you can even SHOP on the computer!’ ( I think that's what finally did it for me...)

And so the rest was history. I had my new mailing list all organized and no more late nights hand writing mailers and buying stamps. Though now I realize as I am writing this he might have thought ‘How can I get her to make even more money so I never have to work again?’ Something to think about but then the point of this post would have lost all meaning.

It's still always important to take the good with the bad...( even if it is unfounded) and most important to never lose your sense of humor.

Stay well my friends

Ellen M. Lerner

My name is Ellen. I am a Composer. A Pianist and Vocalist. A Student. A Writer and most of all...I'm a Survivor.