What are some give and take aspects of most relationships which narcissist relationship partners tend perceive as being too burdensome?

Well, I think anyone who has experienced this, or has any knowledge of narcissistic personality disorder would say this is pretty self explanatory. The taking part is no problem for a pwNPD…it’s the giving part that is the huge issue!

Unless they are benefiting in some way, giving does not occur. Ever. Sure, it may seem like they are…especially in the beginning…but it’s the biggest set up of your life and you never see it coming.

Relationships are all about give and take, and there are a million examples.

As I have spoken about my parents in the past, no one was ‘the boss.’ Not in the relationship, and not in my household.

They took turns. They both knew their strengths as well as their weaknesses and what’s most important, they knew each other as well as they knew themselves.

When someone was too tired to answer one of my many questions, the other would answer. When one person wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make dinner, the other would make dinner. There were never any fights or even disagreements about stuff like this, and any disagreements they actually did have, by the end, both would be laughing, it was forgotten, and never revisited.

You asked what they view as ‘burdensome.’ They view all of it as burdensome. The big, important things, as well as the small things.

Having a job is a problem. Providing for your family is a problem. Chores are a problem. Getting the mail is a problem. Taking out the trash is a problem. Saying God Bless you when you sneeze is a problem…but the worst problem of all….

If you have an internal issue…confusion, need validation, real affection, real thought put into something, honesty, or a simple “I love you" when you’re not feeling so lovable…you will never get it. Not when you need it. When they feel like twisting the knife a little deeper, they may throw you a line, but they are not doing it for you…

Perhaps they feel you slipping away. Maybe you are their only option at that moment. It’s possible they may start to begin to realize that you have actually caught on. That is when they will seem to be giving. Seem to be trying. Putting in real effort…it isn’t real. It never is.

They will never understand give and take. They can not even conceive of this. It becomes more than just a burden…it will literally throw them into a rage at any given moment.

And when you share a child with a pwNPD you want to rip your hair out…but with children, it’s so much more than give and take. It’s about putting them first…something they will never in a million years be able to do.