What Causes a Person to Love a Narcissist so Deeply?

I ask myself this very question almost every day.

Not for myself…

There are so many people who have reached out to me (men and women alike) and I have read some heartbreaking stories, and know of some too…I know the details, not delusions of grandeur, real life things that for the life of me, I simply do not understand…

I did have my own hell for a little while but I caught on rather quickly. Once I did, I wouldn't let him near me. Literally. I couldn't share a bed with him…I could not even eat at the same table.

Had we not shared a child, I would have gone no contact immediately (though I had not yet heard that term) and I would have never spoken his name again.

So when these wonderful people come to me, and tell me what they have experienced, what they have been put through, unspeakable, unimaginable things and yet, they are still desperately in love with them…I am stumped.

‘What causes a person to love a narcissist so deeply.’

I have said these words over to myself in my head because if I could figure it out, maybe I could help these people move past it…

Perhaps they want to save them. I know if I truly loved someone I would want to save them too…but they would have to be worth saving.

Maybe they believe they see something special deep deep down that no one else can see? All I saw was an empty vessel who could not feel one, single, solitary shread of emotion for another…not even his very own children.

Or perhaps they do not feel as if they deserve better. I can't imagine why and if that is the case I would want to shake every single one of them until they understood that from what they have shared with me, that does not sound like love. Not to me…not even a little.

Maybe some need to be reminded of what love truly is. Not necessarily re read fairlytales from when we were small, but whatever their definition of love once was…what inspired them to look for their ‘person.’ The one to walk through life with. Maybe they need a bit of inspiration, although I know personally, when I was in the thick of it, it was next to impossible to feel inspired…but I do now…I'm so afraid they won't because they are in such a bad place…

I think that is why I write about other things. Started different spaces, not just ones relating to narcissism. I want people to know that a beautiful life is possible…but unless you finally accept what is so devastating and difficult to accept..that this isn't love, you will never be able to pull yourself out it. That is precisely why I started those other spaces, and some may think that the topics are worlds apart…but they aren't.

I understand the beginning. The ‘love bombing’ stage, that happened to me too, but it doesn’t last long. I understand cognitive dissonance. Trauma bonding. I went through all of that (in different ways) and all of those things most definitely happened…

But I didn’t love him. Not deeply. Not even a little.

So even if I don’t have the exact answer, perhaps a solution? As I said, a bit of inspiration? Am I too late? I don’t believe it is ever too late, but many do. Perhaps hearing stories of good things, a good life, the way it should be maybe it’s a start…

Perhaps if we could truly figure out what exactly makes a person love a narcissist so deeply we could finally put an end to this…because if we did not give them our love..if no one did, maybe there would be much less damage. Because we are giving them fuel and without fuel, you die. Maybe if more of us understood we could end this.

Whoever out there is reading this and still loves the person who is trying to destroy you, you are worth so much more. This is not the life you were meant to have. There are good people out there. The world is yours for the taking. You have to be strong, it will not be easy, but you have to walk away if you want a better life…

Imagine finding out what true love really is after all of this devastation….wouldn’t you want to know? Take a leap of faith? Think how different this world would be if more of us did that….