What one extreme thing did your Cluster B disordered person say or do that made you finally realize there was no hope for the relationship to continue?

Ellen M. Lerner
4 min readOct 13, 2021


I will tell you my very worst experience with ex husband with narcissistic personality disorder and the point I was absolutely certain he was a sociopath though I truly did not even know the real definition at the time.

We were already on very thin ice. No longer together but I was still trying to raise my young son with him. It was not working.

He had basically used up his bag of tricks. He tried every manipulation tactic you can think of. But never did I imagine he would go to this place simply because he was grasping at straws trying desperately to think of something that would truly get to me.

People who know me by now and my story know how much I adored my Father. I loved both of my parents very much but my Dad and I had an unspoken bond that I truly can not put into words.

I am an only child. I lost my Dad when I was 14 years old. I honestly did not know how I was going to survive on this earth without him, but I knew he would want me to go on and do good things and lead a happy life. I loved him as much as you could love another human being.

My ex husband turned to me one day, out of the blue and stated I “never loved my Father.” He looked at me and said all the love I “claimed” to have had for him was a total lie and I was a “terrible daughter.”

Why I simply did not turn around and walk out the door I don’t know. I’m the kind of person who needs to understand everything. My favorite question growing up was “Why?” My poor parents must have heard this 20 times a day.

I asked him to tell me how on earth he came to this conclusion. He told me because I did not go to the cemetery.

My ex husband knew I was not very religious. Neither was he. I’m much more spiritual. I actually started to defend myself and my love for my Father and it did not occur to me how truly insane this was…I was going to let him know once and for all…even he could not understand what love truly was…make NO mistake…that is all I ever felt for my Father. It is something I still carry with me to this very day. It has never faded.

He said I was lying. I told him..in the beginning, after my Dad died I actually did go to the cemetery. I tried anything I could think of to maintain my connection to my Dad but everytime I would go, I did not feel anything. I did not feel his spirit there. I tried to explain that’s not where my Father’s spirit was. I told my ex husband my Father was all around me and lived inside of my heart now. He laughed at me. But I persisted. This was one battle I was not going to walk away from just to keep the peace.

This was now War.

It was in that very moment I realized this man standing in front of me not only did not know what love was at all, but he was the embodiment of evil. I didn’t know if I should turn and run, or fight to the death. I faught. Very hard.

In that moment I felt my Father’s presence stronger than ever before. It was as if he was standing over me, protecting me from my worst nightmare.

The love I had for my Father saved me that day. The very thing my nex told me I never had. I knew now more than ever that it not only was love in every sense of the word but I needed to be far away from this man at all costs.

Since that day I never listened to another word that man had to say. About anything. Just the thought of him made the room a little darker around me. Once I removed myself from this maddening horror of a life I lived far too long the light started slowly coming back.

Everything that was once beautiful to me, that I thought had disappeared forever started to come back.

I started to walk different. Speak slowly and listened better. I started to put thought into everything I did and I meant everything I said. I needed to make up for lost time. I wasted so many years but in a literal instant everything started to make sense.

I never knew of real evil. Not in my own personal life. I was scared but at peace at the same time. It is still a frightening thought. This man has done unspeakable things to many. Some are no longer here to defend themselves. But in that moment it not only confirmed my worst fears, but also confirmed that all I ever felt for my Father was pure love. He was standing next to me that day. And now…My ex husband is just a faint memory.

I sleep peacefully once again. I have beautiful dreams. And I love life again.

It took the most unthinkable thing a person could say to me to make me come full circle.

My Father has never left me since that moment. He never really did and now I know that if you were lucky enough to have real love in your life, it will save you in your darkest moments…at least it did for me.



Ellen M. Lerner

My name is Ellen.. I have been a Singer-Songwriter most of my life...however, I wear many hats. The most important thing is that I am a survivor. And a writer.