When does a narcissist reach out to you?

After the discard (though I asked for the divorce, in no way was I discarding him from my life, mainly because we share a child) but he most definitely discarded me after he quickly found a new supply. He only reached out to me when he needed or wanted something.

If he couldn’t pick up our kid, I always said I would do it, but he would never reciprocate.

When he wanted our kid on my custodial time, I always said okay, but again, if I ever asked, he and his new wife always said ‘no.’

But I really saw his desperation after his second divorce. He was homeless (yet again) and this time, no one (not even his family) was taking him in.

I gave him my car to live in for quite some time.

Sometimes, when he really wanted or needed something he would use ‘family time ‘ as a ploy. Though I never wanted him back and there was never any hoovering (mainly because I made sure he knew I was finished in that department) he knew I still wanted us to be some ‘version’ of a family…so he would say ‘let’s all have dinner! You, me, our son, his daughter from his second marriage, my Mom and he would add…bring any of your friends who would like to come!’

Though these occasions were few and far between, I have to admit, I fell for it. I did not see the manipulation at all…I was just so happy our son was seeing all of us together as a family.

Of course inevitably he always ‘forgot' his wallet or said ‘I’ll get it the next time’ but I really didn’t care. That was all I really wanted…and he knew it.

Last time he reached out to me he finally got himself an apartment. He asked me if he could ‘borrow’ some furniture until he could furnish it himself. I went to my storage space with him and let him pick out anything he wanted.

After some time passed, I thought an appropriate amount of time had gone by and it was time for my furniture back….and his response…’I’ll see you in court!’

Crazy me…I still didn’t get it. I was angry. But that wasn’t the last straw.

The last straw was not another request from him, rather a statement he made that literally snapped me back into reality after years of believing he could be a good Dad, a good provider, a good person… in that moment, I finally saw him for who and what he truly was. And he knew it.

We have been no contact since that time. A little over two years now. It is amazing what two years of peace will do to a person…I’m my old self again…and I couldn’t be more grateful.