Ellen M. Lerner
2 min readNov 28, 2021

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Who Does a Narcissist Love the Most in Their Family?

A narcissist does not love anyone. Not even their own children. Yes, there may be a ‘golden child' but it isn’t real love and the scapegoat (though far worse) does not receive any love either.

No one does.

That being said, a pwNPD may display acts of kindness and ‘love’ to a particular family member…usually the one who has not walked away when just about everyone else has.

Even if the former spouses, children, parents even grandparents can no longer accept his/her behavior, sometimes there is one who sticks around (though I certainly wouldn’t want that job.)

They are either the last remaining flying monkey when even the so-called ‘friends’ have left as well. They are most definitely enablers. They somehow accept this behavior though I can not even begin to see how.

Perhaps it is an older sibling. Maybe they feel responsible in some way. Maybe they just don’t see what everyone else sees but sometimes one, possibly two remain. Though by the end this is quite rare.

These enablers are the only link to the narcissists outside world. But it is not based on love…

Just like with partners it is all about what they can get from them. What they can do for them. And if they throw them the occasional ‘thank you’ it is merely to secure another visit during their lonely, isolated moments. It is just another ploy to have these enablers continue to do whatever the pwNPD needs done.

I know I wouldn’t want that job. I would not be very good at it…and though ‘patience is a virtue’ where this is concerned all bets are off. Life is simply too short to waste your time on a person who sees you as his/her errand boy/girl, servant, and sap for actually believing they care in the slightest because if someone better comes along (at least in their eyes) this ‘servant’ is no longer needed and discarded like so many that came before them.

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Ellen M. Lerner

My name is Ellen. I am a Composer. A Pianist and Vocalist. A Student. A Writer and most of all...I'm a Survivor.