Why it seems that Most Narcissists are very Bad with Money.
There was a time I thought I was the only one who experienced this, of course this was before I found out what narcissistic personality disorder really was. I had my own theories as to why he was so bad with money, and I suppose any one of them could be true.
He was extremely entitled. He was handed everything on a silver platter. He came from a very wealthy family and never had to work for anything, so I just figured he simply never learned the true value of money or what it meant to work really hard for something important, but I think it’s more than that.
After his family, I made it extremely easy for him. So did my Mom. And his second ex wife and her family did the same, but even if we hadn’t, I still believe he would have found a way…this man always found a way…even if it was illegal, immoral, or so hard to believe, you would have thought you were watching a documentary of the Lufthansa heist!
He truly pulled it off, pulled off such things that I am still baffled to this day.
He had no fear, no conscience, and did these illegal activities with such ease, you would have thought he took a college course or two on the subject of getting away with the impossible!
I started to finally understand why though gifted where criminal activities were concerned, he was still just downright lousy with money. Paying the bills. Keeping up with what I considered to be very normal things that one must do to live a normal life. Death and taxes. He managed to evade one…and not too long ago, after I had to have a difficult discussion with my son about a living will, what my final wishes were, basically, I told him under no circumstances should any drastic measures be taken. If there was no guarantee of any quality of life, should I become terribly ill…terminally ill…no drastic measures and absolutely no machines, to simply let me go. Not just because I wouldn’t want anyone to have to watch me suffer, without any hope of some sort of a miracle but the costs for my child would be exorbitant, and I simply would never put him through that. And his response? “That’s really funny Mom..I just recently had a similar discussion with Dad. But he didn’t talk of a living will or any of the things you just told me….he wants his head frozen!”
Frozen!
I was not shocked in the slightest. 10–15 years ago I most definitely would have been speechless…but now that I understand this disorder, all I could do was laugh. He was totally and completely serious. This man wants every drastic measure taken to avoid his ultimate demise…at all costs. Just like there was no peaceful existence with this man, there will be no leaving this earth in peace either. Not for him! And he added…”Whatever the costs…(mind you, he does not have a penny to his name.) My young child must foot the bill to ensure that he lives on for eternity. If that does not scream Narcissist, (fully equipped with a huge, giant flashing neon sign and all the bells and whistles that come with it, ) I’m not sure what does.
Back to his inability to pay so much as a cell phone bill…
Narcissism and hypocrisy go hand in hand because hypocrisy is a form of entitlement.
Most narcissists believe the rules don't apply to them, even though they are quick to enforce them on everyone else. This goes for many types of rules, including budgets.
A narcissistic partner may spend freely on themselves and regularly blow your joint budget, then turn around and criticize you for spending more than they deem necessary.
Here’s an example…for my son’s 13th birthday, my ex wanted a huge blowout. I didn’t think it was at all necessary and neither did my Mom…but we were guilted into paying for half. We still thought it was crazy, but I thought it would make my son happy (when in all actuality, he couldn’t have cared one bit…) and the whole splitting everything down the middle, yeah…never happened. Guess who had to foot the bill for the whole entire thing?
Also, Narcissists often use money as a tool for punishment. They may reward you financially when you do what they want, and then withhold money when they feel vindictive. This can feel unsafe, degrading and confusing.
For example, they may plan a luxurious vacation for your birthday, and then after an argument will refuse to pay for essential expenses. You may even feel obligated to play their game just to keep the household or business running.
After reading so many stories and articles about this very topic, I realized this was yet another example of control.
Narcissists tend to focus on extrinsic motivators, like money and rewards, rather than personal growth and fulfillment. Because money and material wealth are extremely important to narcissists, they often become a focal point of their relationships—sometimes resulting in financial abuse.
I was so incredibly lucky. I had the foresight to never open a joint bank account with him. I owned the home, the cars, furniture, artwork, etc. I never even took his last name. He still thought he was entitled to everything in my home, but I was also smart enough to get myself a prenuptial agreement. At first, I thought this was terribly unromantic, however, your well being, security and safety trumps romance every single time.
It’s not that I don’t trust, I am just extremely selective now, and if I ever were to marry, depending upon the circumstances, I would absolutely do all the normal things that healthy, committed partners do…though I’m still on the fence where a prenup is concerned, but I don’t have to worry about that at this moment. I’ll get back to you if things take a surprising turn.
In the meantime, I will be sending my teenage son articles on freezing heads, living forever as a machine…that it’s highly unlikely that my ex husband (despite what he truly believes) will live on for all of eternity. We all have to go sometime. Most people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, did so with dignity and grace, but those words do not exactly go hand and hand with Narcissism.
Truth really is stranger than fiction. I am extremely grateful that after all of these years I am finally able to laugh. He may not have had a very witty or discerning sense of humor…I’m still laughing, nonetheless.
Stay well my friends.
